4-Step Remote Control Method to Anger Management

In our fast-paced world, where stress and reactivity often reign supreme, finding ways to manage our emotional responses becomes crucial. As a mental health therapist, I’ve come to realize most of us were never taught the skills of managing our reactions. Heck, most of us were taught that reaction like a firecracker is an effective way of behaving.  

That's why I want to introduce you to a powerful tool: the 4-Step Remote Control Method to healthy Anger Management.  

No feeling is wrong or bad, not even anger.  Anger is simply a body alert that something is going that you don’t like.  It involves 2 pieces; insult plus demand.  Think of a time you felt angry, now try to identify what insulted/offended you.  Then think about what you were demanding.

I’ll give you a personal example, I have been known to get a slight teeny tiny bit of road rage.  Let me clarify that, never really road rage but road annoyance.  I went through a phase where I wanted to overcome this.  It was during a time a local highway was undergoing construction to create an express lane.  During this time, the traffic was horrible.  I noticed I would get to the office feeling exhausted and angry.  I challenged myself to only drive in the main lanes and not use express lanes.  I set my goal to being able to use express lanes once I had worked through what was making me angry.  On one particular morning, traffic was worse than usual and I noticed I was definitely angry and I was actually honking at someone who had cut me off.  I have been helping clients with anger management for years but never thought to run myself through my own system.  So I knew now had to be the time.  I paused, took a deep breath and asked myself, “How am I insulted by being cut-off”?  The answer was simple, I felt disrespected by someone cutting me off.  Then I looked for the demand, “I demand that you use a turn signal to ask to be let in and I will let you in”.  

There it is, the insult/offense and the demand.  

I shared this story to show you an easy way of how to find the insult and demand.  

Now let’s get to “what now”?  

Once you have identified the root of the anger here are 4 simple steps to help you manage your reactions.  

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Imagine you have a remote control for your emotions with 4 buttons;

• Pause
• Rewind
• Fast-Forward
• Play

Go through these steps when your body has alerted you of anger and BEFORE you react.

Step 1: Pause

Practicing pause is the single greatest tool you can use to help you in all aspects of your life.  It's all about taking that crucial moment before reacting.  In this case, taking a pause will give you a quick moment to really assess what is going on.

First and foremost, take a deep breath in and then exhale fully.  In that brief pause, you gain control over your response, allowing for more thoughtful and less impulsive reactions.  After your cleansing breath, identify the insult/demand.  That’s it for step 1, pretty simple.

Step 2: Rewind:

Now, let's rewind. Think back to instances where you've over reacted impulsively in the past. What were the outcomes? Did those reactions serve you well? By hitting the "Rewind" button on your emotional remote, you'll begin to identify patterns in your behavior and understand the triggers that lead to reactive responses. Here is where you can decide if your past reactions were helpful or hurtful.  

Step 3: Fast Forward:

Fast forward to the future. Think about how it will look if you react in the way you have in the past.  Would it solve the situation or make it worse?  Envision how you would want to react in similar situations. Picture the ideal you, calmly handling challenges, and making thoughtful decisions. The "Fast Forward" button allows you to proactively shape your responses, leading to more positive outcomes and reduced stress.

Step 4: Press Play:

Now, it's time to put it all together. By taking a pause, recognizing what is affecting you and reframing a helpful of way of proceeding, you can move forward with confidence, knowing that you have the power to choose your reactions. Your emotional remote control becomes a tool for creating better responses, improving relationships, and achieving your goals.

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Managing reactive behaviors is a journey, but with the 4-Step Remote Control Method, you have a powerful ally. Pause, rewind, fast forward, and choose the best reaction for every situation.  Start implementing these steps in your daily life, and watch how your emotional well-being and decision-making improve. It may feel robotic at first but the more you implement these techniques, the sooner they will become automatic to you.  

As always, I will be getting into more detail on my Instagram page.  Make sure you follow the link at the bottom of this page.  I invite you to share your experiences with managing reactive behaviors or ask any questions you may have in the comments of the Instagram posts. If you're looking for personalized guidance on your journey, don't hesitate to reach out. Your remote control for emotional mastery is within your grasp.

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